How did I get out of your tummy?
"You were growing in a special place in my tummy called a womb. When you were ready to be born the womb helped to push you through a stretchy opening between my legs called the vagina."
Young children like basic factual information and are usually satisfied with an answer such as the answer here. If they don't understand they will ask more questions. Their questions are usually expressed in a matter-of-fact way and that is the way to answer them.
What's a tampon?
Showing the child a tampon so they can see what it looks like may be all they need to know. Older children will need an explanation about periods but it is not necessary at this age.
Why don't I have a willy?
"You are a girl and you have a special private place called a vulva. If you were a boy you would have a special private place called a penis. Some people call a penis a willy."
Pre-schoolers start to become curious about the sexual differences between boys and girls and compare themselves with others. Use these opportunities to teach your child the correct words for parts of the body and also to clarify some of the words they may hear from other children.
Why do people kiss?
"When two adults kiss each other in a sexy way it feels nice for them. Kissing is a way they share their love for each other."
When I grow up can I marry you?
Some pre-school children become intensely attached to the parent of the opposite sex and even feel jealous of the other parent. They want to snuggle up to them in bed, watch them get dressed and may want to touch their genitals. They may say that when they grow up they want to marry them. It is up to you to be understanding but also be honest. For example the favoured parent might say, “I love you too but when you grow up you will meet someone you own age who is special and who you love”. By the time they get to school this devotion to one parent will usually have become less intense.
Where's my fuckin bucket?
Jason, age 4, has the family’s undivided attention. How will they react? Children learn swearwords if not from you, then from other children or adults. They become aware that these words are powerful and that they can get attention or a strong reaction from adults when they use them. Swearwords are often words to do with sex, or bottoms, or going to the toilet. These topics hold an intense interest for children because of the privacy and secrecy that surround them. Consequently children find there is something exciting and daring in using swearwords. They may create their own words such as poo-face or widdle-diddle and use them with delight.
How should you respond? Think about what you want your child to consider when using these words. You may want them to learn not to use that language at home, or that it is rude to swear or that it may upset other people when they hear them using these words. Children quickly learn that there are different rules for different places and situations. Sometimes it is simply best to ignore it. The fascination soon passes if they don’t get a reaction.
Has Granny got a vagina?
"Yes. Granny has a vagina because she is a woman and all women have a vagina. The vagina is a private part of the body and we only talk about the private parts of the body at home."
Why can't I be a boy?
"When you were born you were a little girl and you will be a beautiful woman when you grow up. You can learn to do everything that boys can. Why do you want to be a boy?"
Some children go through a phase of wanting to be the other sex. It can be associated with a negative experience by an adult of their own sex. Finding out what is behind the question will help you deal with it.
Why do you put lipstick on? Can I try?
You may think this is fun for your daughter, but you may not want her to use your expensive lipstick! But what about your son? Both boys and girls of this age like to act out things they see other people do. Putting on lipstick and dressing up as adults can be a fun way to try out roles of their own or the opposite sex. When a little boy puts on a dress and make-up it doesn't mean he is rejecting his male role. He is harmlessly acting out something he observes in everyday life.
Can I drink your milk like a baby?
"When you had my milk you were a baby. You could only drink from my breast or a bottle. Now you are four and you can drink your milk from a cup."
Why does Daddy stand up to pee?
"Daddy has a penis which he uses to pee. That makes easy for him to pee when he's standing. It's the same for all men and boys. It's different for girls who need to sit on the toilet. If girls try to stand and pee it could go on the floor."
Son: Can I have a pretty pink dress like Britney?
"I think Britney looks very pretty in her pink dress and I think it would be fun for you to have a dress that you could wear when you are playing dress-ups. But little boys don't usually wear dresses so I don't think we can get a dress for you. Would you like me to see if I can buy a pink T-shirt for you?"
In this way you are giving your son guidance about what you want him to wear but accepting that he can also wear pretty colours. Both boys and girls like to dress-up as adults and may act out roles of the opposite sex. When a little boy puts on a dress and make-up it doesn’t mean he is rejecting his male role. When playing make-believe and dressing up children are spontaneously and openly acting out the various activities that are part of their everyday life.
